Suggested Obama foreign policy speech draft
February 5th, 2010 by Alan
MEMO FROM: Alan
TO: Barack
RE: Bold foreign policy speech
Mr. President,
Now would be an excellent time for a game-changing foreign policy speech. And I have the perfect event to tie it to. Here’s a suggested draft:
My fellow Americans…
I have made a foreign policy decision today which I know is right for America…a decision which is in the best interests of our country, a decision that will strengthen us militarily, economically and morally, enabling us to stand as a beacon of peace to the world. I tell you right now that this decision is momentous and may well cost me a second term, but I don’t care because I act in the best interests of our great nation.
Listen to the words of Abraham Lincoln, words that I have thought about many times in the past weeks:
“I do the very best I know how– the very best I can. If the end brings me out all right, what is said against me won’t amount to anything. If the end brings me out wrong, ten angels swearing I was right would make no difference.”
[PAUSE]
My fellow Americans, the decision I have made, significant as it is, was not caused by a cataclysmic event. It was, as we say in the English-speaking world, “the straw that broke the camel’s back.” Now, our friends in the Middle East no doubt know a lot more about camels than we do. They may even know whether it is possible to break a camel’s back in this manner, whether the poor beast can survive not another ounce. From what I know of camels, they’re not especially loyal and devoted, and our hypothetical camel would have quit long before that.
But in the metaphor, the camel’s back has been broken. We are, as a nation, to use our colloquial idiom, fed up. For those translators who don’t know what that means, I’ll provide synonyms. We Americans are discontented, dissatisfied, satiated, sick and tired, surfeited, disgusted. And what are we fed up with?
There is a joke that Columbus sailed West so he could find the Far East without having to deal with Middle Easterners. I can see why. I am fed up with you barbaric Arabs and other Muslims who cannot graduate from mediaeval fantasies and value systems, who cannot throw off their mental chains…and join us here in the 21st century. And I am about to give you an extraordinary opportunity to do just that.
[PAUSE]
The straw that broke the camel’s back, or at least this camel, who happens to be Commander-in Chief of the world’s most powerful military machine, is this: on February 2, 54 people died when a suicide bomber exploded herself — that’s right, they’re getting women to hide bombs beneath the cloaks that they make them wear (sort of kills two — or even a lot of — birds with one stone, as we say in America).
Yes, she killed herself and 54 people in Baghdad, the supposed stronghold of American power. If the Iraqis can’t even hold their capital secure with our help, then something is grievously wrong. And there’s more: the bomber committed her murders at a Shiite religious pilgrimage, to disrupt the upcoming elections.
In the ensuing days of early February, the mayhem continued, with dozens more deaths from bombs in Pakistan and Iraq.
Back to the massacre of pilgrims. Let’s lay aside the ridiculousness of trekking somewhere just because something supposedly happened in the 8th century that is somehow of great importance to us. Let’s even ignore the irony of Saddam’s rule being safer for the populace insofar as these pilgrimages, which Saddam prohibited, inevitably involve many deaths from trampling, accidents, terrorism, etc.
But it’s the second part that’s the straw, my fellow Americans. It was done to disrupt the elections — a vital step in the coalescence of Iraq into one country. Here in America we jostle 100 ethnicities, but we make a country out of it. Muslims can’t even do it with a handful.
The same thing goes on in Afghanistan. It’s all we can do to keep the Afghans from deteriorating into the tribal state that is apparently their natural condition. Google “grave of Empires” and you’ll see what I mean.
So when a FEMALE bomber kills herself at a RELIGIOUS festival to disrupt NATIONAL elections. I did another American thing: I threw up my hands. This, in our culture, is the gesture that accompanies the ultimate frustration.
[PAUSE]
We have done everything conceivable to help the Afghans and Iraqis build nations and civil societies. We have shed the blood of thousands of Americans. Everyone who supports these wars should visit veterans’ hospitals and see the maimed and mangled bodies that lie, along with the dead, on the other side of military glory. We have spent trillions - inconceivable amounts of the taxpayers’ and even succeeding generations’ money. And a suicide bomber kills 54 people in Baghdad.
And that is why my message tonight is less than a sound bite. It is one word: ENOUGH.
Not one more drop of American blood, not one more cent of America’s wealth to raise primitive tribes out of the Middle Ages when they don’t want to be raised.
[PAUSE]
At this moment there is on the desk of each of the Joint Chiefs of Staff an official Presidential order to begin evacuation of troops from both countries. In 36 hours, the Joint Chiefs are to report to me with phased withdrawal plans, which will be implemented immediately. We knew how to send those kids in — and I notice with shame and humility how few of us, who have sent so many to their graves, had the guts to enter the military. Not many, I would think. But we knew how to send them in, and we know how to get them out. It’s a simple matter of logistics.
I realize that my directive will cause much controversy and disruption. There are those who think that once the American flag is planted, it must never be pulled up, no matter what the cost.
To them I say, if we planted it there with vague or unachievable goals, if we planted it there foolishly, arbitrarily, with no foresight, ignorant of the local culture and hostilities (and language), reflexively fighting the last war, if we planted it there in the arrogant belief that America can shape the world to its liking (as some of the Bush war criminals declared), then I say it’s high time we pulled it up.
To do so is an act of humility and nobility. Does not every religion teach humility and loving your neighbor? With love and regret, we leave the Afghans and Iraqis to their own destiny. We leave them to learn love, not kill each other. (We’ll still buy their oil and heroin.)
We look forward to the day when they shun primitive tribalism and religion. But we cannot eradicate this noxious mix, this vile culture of warlords and tribes, of corruption, of fundamentalist religion, of violence and death, this way of life which has defied peaceful centralization and civilization for a thousand years. It is time to stop trying to make the impossible possible.
[PAUSE]
Not one more drop of blood. Not one more cent. Enough!
Thank you.
Alan,
This is a fantastic speech. Too bad Obama doesn’t have the balls to deliver it. Or whether or not he even personally believes in fighting this war indefinitely.
Why can’t we let evolution take care of these barbaric primitive people? Must we interfere with a people who are on the obvious course of self-destruction? Let them kill each other off with their petty territorial tribal civil wars.
The Iraqi’s don’t have the intellect or drive to set up and run any form of democratic government because their heads are full of religious horseshit which trumps any hope of peace with its neighbors.
We need to stop lowering ourselves by trying to help these people. I say, we throw up our hands. Let’s get off their fucking soil, as they demand relentlessly, and throw in the towel. We tried. (Even though our initial entrance into Iraq was misleading, we DID attempt to help them set up a government, schools and teach them HOW to defend their own country, while we did all that FOR THEM, in their country, at our peril)
It will sent an effective message to the rest of the civilized and NON-civilized world.
Sometimes I think that the reason America does not give up the fighting when she should (when it comes to these unjust wars like Vietnam) is because people need to be consoled and believe that our soldiers died FOR A CAUSE. If we “lose” a war, (pull out) those soldiers, they may think, would have been killed in vain.
Human beings really feel the need to attribute meaning to their lives and the lives of their loved ones. Going to fight in a (bogus) war, killing civilians, constantly being in the line of fire, suffering mental problems - - if a person goes through all that and then GETS KILLED in the process— it MUST be for a reason, right?
If we stay and fight, lose thousands of more soldiers over decades more of war, we MAY eventually find a way to have stability there. Then these soldiers, these victims and their families could look back and think that they, or their son or daughter were heroes, who stood and fought and ultimately won a war FOR OUR FREEDOM. —– NOT
Self delusion is required for most folks who subscribe to a religious ideology.
Elisha
I’ll email the draft to the White House, as you suggested. The sad paradox of military sacrifice is that the more of it there is, the greater the perceived loss of respect for withdrawing.
It’s always about leaders’ vanity and cojones. They’re prepared to sacrifice a lot of lives.
But the Brits and Soviets pulled out of Afghanistan, and they survived, and nobody teases them about it. Truly, a war requires two willing parties.
ahava,
A.
I think that before President Obama can take a stand in Afghanistan and Iraq, he fist needs to stand up to another semi-barbaric tribe of ignorant religious fanatics: the rabid Republicans.
Alan,
Comment #3 was from me. I forgot to sign in. Sorry about that.
Neither the Democrats nor Republicans have within their ideas the full solutions to what ails this country. Yes, big government is overspending, driving us to deficits or taxes, and eventual finacial collapse. Yes, big bussiness is controlling the politicians and corupting the democratic process, while asking for bailouts and collecting fat bonuses at same time. They both want to own your body and soul, to control you from cradle to grave, and exploit you and your labour. Big business has hired big government and big government has subcontracted big bussiness, both looking to bag a big fat prize; your ass!
The American people have been moving from idealism to materialism, from work ethic to what they can get for nothing, from thrift to excess, from self determination to dependence, from responsibility to blaiming others, etc for at least 50 years, and the now we are starting to see the bitter fruit.
Obese, mentaly ill, ignorant, broke, in debt, divided, afraid; this is the description of the current state of the people. Panic is the result; you can smell fear right thru the TV! Weakness rules the land, and they look for a hero to save them. But the contenders are made of inuendo, promises, hype, and corruption, and all know it.
OK,
Bravo!
I cannot add anything to what you said, except to note that a Brit once said that America had passed from barbarism to decadence without stopping in between at civilization.
Oh, and don’t forget the educational system, already partly run by the govt. through the teachers’ unions, whose aim is to turn out obedient consumers, workers, voters, and soldiers to pass standardized tests, buy useless crap, maintain the fiction that the two govt.-approved parties are actually different, and otherwise serve the state.
Reply to Rick:
Yes, he should attack the Republicans for seeking, decade after decade, to make America a Christian nation — but that would bring us back to the same brick wall: the inviolability of religion and its unearned respect (and tax avoidance).
In mixing religion with military power, America is no different from the jihadis. The Christianization of the US military (atheists regularly get persecuted) is a little-known but unconscionable and un-American development.
shalom,
Alan
I can’t wait till when they change “don’t ask, don’t tell” to “show and tell”! Then we can paratroop the new army rangers, fighting tranny batallion, skirts flying and in high heels, right to Afganistan, while “Rock the Kasbar” blairs over the loudspeakers. Think how much the Muslims will love us then!
OK,
Your idea sounds like a new dimension in psy-war. Why not? We’ve tried everything else. How about driving them nuts by dressing our soldiers as Mohammed? They wouldn’t shoot the Prophet….
Dear Mr President,
As an outsider to your country I find it appalling to find you have suggested pulling out your troops.
Do you not remember that your country’s attack into Afghanistan was to find and destroy Osama Lin Ladan and his groupies?
I will admit that things were pretty screwed up in Afgani, before you arrived. I will note that although oppressed, it was a relatively stable place. I believe it was your country that instigated this war. I do not remember at anytime a request from the people of Afgani for you to come in and mess things up.
You have blown up there infrastructure, destroyed their government, tried to force your ideologies into there culture and killed many of their civilians, I think it is understandable they are pissed.
Unfortunately your country created these problems. I find it very cowardly that because you have troops dieing and the people you came in and messed with fighting back, you are now putting your tail between your legs and running.
Many other countries have invested there young men and women in defense of your claims, and now you are turning your tail and running?
It would serve you right if every country in the world turned there backs on you and refused to ever listen to the boy who cries wolf.
It was important enough to go in and screw everything up then you better damn well stay and clean up the mess you created. Regardless of how many thousands or millions of your young soldiers lives have to be lost, or how many years it will take, or how many billions of dollars it will cost.
This is your mess, you created it. You do not get to whine about it not going your way and then skulk back home.
Fix your mess.
Unless of course you were to admit is was all a stupid error and agree to charge the b@stards that started the aggression against Afghanistan and Iraq with crimes against humanity. Then hang the son of a b!tches on you white house steps.
Then all can be forgiven.
Kindest Regards,
A proud Canadian.
To all of my fellow Americans and to our Canadian neighbors — and I know many of you are watching this telecast…I want you to know that today I have taken further actions that will broaden and extrend our new foreign policy, the foreign policy of a free America.
It is the sign of a great nation to be strong, proud — and humble. It is the sign of a great nation to admit that it was been wrong.
Contrary to the behavior of many previous Presidents, I see it not as nobility but insanity to persist in a manifestly counterproductive and costly course of action. That is why I ordered the immediate phased withdrawal of our troops from Afghanistan and Iraq.
Long before the current misadventures, Caspar Weinberger clearly articulated the principles under which America should go to war. One of them: a clear goal.
A clear goal is not definable in Iraq and Afghanistan, much less achievable. I know there are those who want us to stay until we clean up the hideous mess we have made. But what does that mean? This is the Taliban’s home teritory. They’ll always be there. For us, the choice is between staying there indefinitely — and leaving.
Enough bloodshed. Enough death, enough limbs blown off…enough.
This withdrawal is part of a larger strategy to raise America’s image in the eyes of the rest of the world — by being a different Amerca.
The purpose of the American military is to defend our country. That is why, effective today, I will require, from the Joint Chiefs, plans for bringing the troops home, from everywhere in the world.
Amerca’s record in the past has been shameful. The unconstitutional, illegal interventions will end, now and forever. Let other countries and regions be in charge of their own defense.
Finally, I have left instructions with the Attorney General to bring formal charges of war crimes against humanity…against George W. Bush, Donald Rumsfeld, Richard Cheney, and a number of lesser criminals who got us into these obscene wars.
I will instruct the Attorney General to seek the death penalty. Further, reparations for all wrongful deaths from the government’s activity — that is, all military deaths, among others — will be paid from the personal wealth of the defendants.
Today a new America goes forth in the world. For many years, lying, hypocritical politicians have pretended that America wants nothing more than to live in peace with other nations. Today that lie becomes the truth.
Thank you.
Never before have we been so proud of our neighbours to the south.
In commemoration of this momentous occasion, in which we recognize your shift towards rational thinking, peace & prosperity, we have commissioned 50… That’s right 50 wide bottom canoes. These will be donated to help with transportation of said troop withdrawals.
We will remember this gesture for generations to come.
We also still have the design plans for the gallows we used to hang Louis Reil. If you need them. It was a wonderful contraption and worked flawlessly.
Kindest Regards,
A very proud friend of the south.
What a pleasure it is to be here in Toronto, surely one of the most enjoyable and cosmopolitan cities in North America, to talk to you about my plans for the phased withdrawal of our troops from Iraq, Afghanistan, South Korea, Europe, and everywhere outside our immediate geographical vicinity.
I really cannot think of a more appropriate place for me to be after the announcements of the last few days. A very significant number of those have come from you.
Well, let me tell you, the admiration is mutual. Americans may mock Canadians, but many of them wonder why we cannot create such a peaceful, prosperous nation, why we spend more on “defense” than all other nations combined (a fact that will change, and fairly quickly, given all our withdrawals and stand-downs worldwide).
Why are we not more like Canada? After all, we inherited the same Northern European culture and work ethic, unlike our neighbor to the south, which, arguably equal to Canada in natural wealth, is a total basket case — violence, corruption, poverty.
Now if ever there were a place where America should invade to set things right….sorry, just kidding. We’re just not going to do that any more.
But I return to my earlier point: a great many of the good-will messages have flowed from Canada, and I can see our relationship growing ever stronger.
I thank you and all of your countryment for the fifty flat-bottomed canoes, which we will use to transport our troops home. A most generous gift — thank you very much!
I cannot think of anyone who has haunted Ameriucan history like Reil, but perhaps our Canadian friends will send me, as they have so kindly offered, the gallows that so efficiently dispatched him.
Death by injection hasn’t been the panacea we thought it would be, and we need to make an example of the Bush criminals and their role in the so-called “war on terror.” Again, I promise swift justice against these crimes against humanity.
Only by our behavior — “walking the walk,” as we say in American English — can we show that we are the peace-loving nation we claim to be.
Again, let me thank you for the canoes. They will proudly fly the flags of our two nations.
[PAUSE]
The conversion of America from a war-ready military empire to a peaceful nation will take time and be resisted in many quarters. I dedicate the rest of my Presidency to this project. It may cost me my re-election, but at least the project will be started, and future Presidents will have to implement it. At least that is my hope.
I am truly looking forward to the next few days and to enjoying your city’s many delights.
Thank you.