Jewish Atheist

“I wanted to be an atheist — but then I found out they have no holidays.”

Henny Youngman

As I drive through one neighborhood after another, the lights of every color illuminate the night, proving, for all to see, that this is a (mostly) Christian country. One guy in the next suburb has what I call Multi-icon Overload — Santa, Rudolph, Frosty, and Nativity — and a full complement of lights draping house and hedges. Pretty obscene waste of energy, but, as usual, religion is tax-free, guilt-free, and immune to criticism.

We love holidays

Our reading today comes from the Book of Youngman. If we exegetically examine the text, we infer that holidays are perceived to be an advantage. People like to get together to celebrate something or other. The original meaning of the holiday fades, but still they celebrate.

Passover (a complete non-event) is the quintessential example. Hanukkah’s another: defeat of an urbane cosmopolitan culture (Greeks) by a tribe of ignorant shepherds (Jews). Its current relevance is zero. Orthodox Jews actually believe the story, while all the rest treat it as an excuse to party, light candles, exchange gifts, eat latkes. I’m not so sure the rededication of the Temple (think priests, prayers, and animal sacrifices) is of monumental importance to the Vast Mass of Wishy-Washy Jews living in the 21st century.

Same for Christmas. Maybe there was a historical Jesus. The narrators had him born in Bethlehem, preaching up north, then coming back to Bethlehem to die. Why introduce the unnecessary travel? Anyway, with all the mythological embellishments, the story approximates a dozen or more other demi-god legends of the ancient Near East.

God impregnates woman, becomes man (eww!)

And whatever he was supposed to have taught has been said, many times over, and often much better, by others before or since. Then the Christians add the god-becomes-flesh part (which, frankly, creeps a lot of the rest of us out), the carols reinforce it like no other holiday music I know, and we get the elevation to earth-shaking significance of a non-event.

Sometimes mental and intellectual gyrations are needed to keep the traditions intact. Early Humanistic Judaism reinterpreted the holidays (on Rosh Hashanah we judge ourselves instead of being judged by God), in yet another attempt to make relevant what has long since become irrelevant. Even at the Birmingham Temple (the founding congregation), the Passover Hagaddah recounted the traditional Moses story, never once saying it was untrue, that the Jews were IN FACT never in Egypt.

News flash: Jews were not slaves in Egypt

It was a truth too frightening to face, and indeed successive generations of Humanistic Judaism that I’ve observed have drifted back to Reform Lite, just as preoccupied by the ancient tales and midrash (a sort of Jewish intellectual jazz riffing, making up stuff) as their Orthodox brethren, but in a hip, post-modern way that allows them to be traditional.

Is “Humanistic Judaism” an oxymoron? When we twist and reinterpret this ancient shepherd religion yet again, so that its originators would never recognize it (doing away with God!), are we just adding another fragile layer to a house of cards? What’s the point of celebrating one more common tribal heritage that divides and separates us from our fellow human beings?

Importance of holidays

But humanist do have holidays, and non-theistic life-cycle celebrations have been written. It’s great to see atheists doing both, creating positive alternatives to religion.

I think we should go further and sprinkle humanistic celebrations throughout the year. And make them public. We already have Festivus. I suuggest we put a positive spin on Dec. 22, the day when days begin to lengthen, the light begins to re-emerge. We can celebrate in public gatherings, with the emphasis on the defeat of darkness, dogma, and inhumanity (many possible examples, e.g., the end of various persecutions, the establishment of scientific milestones, the death of such monstrosities as the Third Reich and the USSR)…and a commitment to continue this supremely important work.

Similarly, on June 21, the longest day of the year, we hold another Reason Day, celebrating individuals or events who significantly advanced the values we believe in. Instead of reading prayers, we’d read great works of knowledge or literature. Maybe dress up as various historical figures, for those who like to dress up.

Throughout the year, we can celebrate the birthdays of humanists from every field who advanced the light of reason: Epictetus, Robert Ingersoll, Penn/Teller, Mark Twain, Mencken, Dawkins, Asimov, Carl Sagan…the possibilities are endless. There’s probabaly no point in asking all humanists to do any one thing, so different groups could stage different celebrations. Perhaps celebrations would coalesce around certain Big Days; my choice would be to have a Lincoln/Darwin Day (both men born on the same day, February 12, each standing for freedom and human reason).

The new homosexuality

The point would be to reinforce Atheist Alliance International’s OUT theme. To go public. To be (politely) in believers’ faces, just as they have for millennia been in ours. To question the public prominence of religion and the extraordinary and undeserved respect accorded to primitive superstitions and divine Imaginary Friends. Years ago, I said what AAI is now saying: that atheism is the new homosexuality. Atheists, notably in the US military, suffer the same discrimination faced by gays 50 or 100 years ago. We are 16% of the population. It is time to come OUT. And what better way than celebrating our holidays all year round?

And parades. Let’s have Humanist Pride Parades. Nothing is as public as a parade. It can stand for humanist pride, it can call for specific policies (separation of church and state; discrediting of creationism; ending tax exemption of religious institutions), it can even call religion on its offenses and excesses, so brilliantly depicted in AAI’s most recent calendar.

Gays had to come out to get respect. So must we.